I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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