The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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