I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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