The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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