I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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