You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
