Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
