i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
