and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
