u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
