So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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