Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
