i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
