i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize