He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize