he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
