I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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