Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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