Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
