Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize