Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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