Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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