no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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