what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
