Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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