ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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