he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
