When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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