Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
