i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
