this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
