I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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