I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
