I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
