Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
