call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
