i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
