You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
