In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
