He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
