i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ttyl tear gas
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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