I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
