Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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