opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
