Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
