I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
