; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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