So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
