I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
