No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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