false alarm. still invincible.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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