We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize