do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
