just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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