I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
