ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
