man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
