um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
