You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
