her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize