She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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