on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
