and you said cock pushups were impossible
Acid is not a monday night drug
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
