I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
