a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
